What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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