I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
