i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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