Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
this hospital has no fireball
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
