I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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