shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
