If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
