My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
