The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
NoShamevember. You game?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
