I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
