I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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