So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's never too late to be topless.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
