hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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