If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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