i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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