If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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