how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please come you make the beer taste better
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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