dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
