I am in a vortex of obligation.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
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