Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
