I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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