You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
