Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
