So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
