He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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