toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
