O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
