I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
