You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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