so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
