She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
