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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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