The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize