My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
