We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
