theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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