i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
