My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
