White coat. Heels.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
