dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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