I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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