ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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