accomplished twins. life is a go
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
