just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
