um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
