just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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