Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am available for nakedness
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
