Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
