Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
