I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
