i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
