Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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