you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
